You are the most unlikely film star of modern times. We can all agree you’re not a handsome guy.

If you don’t pack it in soon, you’re in severe danger of pissing your reputation away – although it may be too late already.

You obviously enjoy being famous – having been the daughter of a film star, you’ve never been far away from the celebrity.

Dear Anne Hathaway,

Since you are the only film star with the same name as Shakespeare's wife, it's a pity that you were too young to snaffle Gwyneth Paltrow's role in Shakespeare In Love. However, it does seem that you are destined for even bigger than you've achieved so far, well before your thirtieth birthday.

It all kicked off with The Princes Diaries ten years ago, which was literally your first film. As teen girl fantasies go, it could have been worse, and you revealed that queen size smile which rivals that of Julia Roberts. On the basis of that movie, as well as the likes of Ella Enchanted and Get Smart, it would be easy (and tempting) to dismiss you as another Hollywood bimbo who is here today and gone tomorrow. But then there are the other films, notably Brokeback Mountain. If we are to continue the comparison with Julia, then we can safely say that that is a film she would never have made, not least because of the fact that you were relaxed about appearing topless.  But also BM was a daring film to make for a young actress with aspirations to being part of the mainstream, and you were in very exalted acting company such as the wonderful Michelle Williams. You held your own, played an unsympathetic character and didn't mind being overshadowed by the guys.

The Devil Wears Prada was the film that established your name more firmly, and while it was nothing to write home about, you did get to work with your (and most other actresses') heroine, Meryl Streep. But the film that made me sit up and take notice was Rachel Getting Married. Not just because it was the first decent Jonathan Demme film for many years, but because you were exceptionally good in it, and in a way I didn't think you were capable of - rough, dysfunctional, hard to love, destructive and compelling viewing. There was an Oscar nomination as reward, but no one much went to see the film, unfortunately. I'd love to pretend that Bride Wars never happened. I can see why Kate Hudson would have signed up, but it's so far beneath you, it's embarassing. And although I loathed Alice In Wonderland, you can hardly be blamed for its awfulness. I much preferred Love & Other Drugs, in which you and Jake Gyllenhaal got it on together again. I quite liked it, though most didn't.

Which brings us to the present day. Soon there'll be a voiceover in Rio (the Orange-promoted animated film), but the one I'm looking forward to is One Day, the new film from Lone Scherfig who directed An Education. It's based on a best selling novel, and shows every sign of being another big hit. It's not clear whether your character will be Americanised, since you can do English pretty well having appeared previously as an unfeasibly hot Jane Austen. Bigger still is your casting as Catwoman in the next Batman/Dark Knight movie from Christopher Nolan due next year, though I can't pretend to be very excited about it.

It seems to me that there are no limits to the success you can achieve as both actress and film star. You have the beauty and the smile. You are a lot sexier than Julia, and more versatile. You seem relaxed about yourself, not desperate to be the centre of attention, and willing to switch between mainstream and arthouse. Just lay off the dumb romcoms.

Remember a bloke called Olivier? You worked with him at the National Theatre; later you dubbed his voice in an update of Spartacus.

There are advantages and disadvantages to being a multi-ethnic actor of indeterminate age,

There are some success stories that defy logic, and yours is one of them.

If you were a planet, you would be Saturn.

History suggests that comedians become less funny as they get older, and there are certainly plenty of examples among your peers.

I know what you’ll say. “I really don’t belong in this company.”

Dear Brad Pitt,

Here you are, one of the biggest film stars on the planet, with a profile slightly higher than that of the Dalai Lama, with the biggest celebrity marriage in showbiz, and what exactly have you got to show for it all on your CV? Are you an actor or just a pretty boy personality?

You’re a regular conundrum.

Despite the fact that you are about as big as 2 Al Pacinos, you’re an easy film star to overlook.

Die Hard and Live Soft; the story of your career.

Dear Cameron Diaz,
If I point out that you will be 40 years old in 2012, it's not a reproach. In fact, it's a tribute to your staying power to have had 17 years as a major star. If indeed that is what you still are.